Beers and Beards

Book 2: Chapter 39: Last Minute Preparations

I now had the go ahead from Jeremiah that the material was safe for consumption, corroborated by Alchemist Black.

With some discussion and experimentation, Black and I had found an efficient way to melt the Corpsejelly flesh into liquid isinglass using some monster acids. Citric or Tartaric acid were commonly used on earth, but monster acid was more readily available down here. I preferred liquid isinglass to the dried and powdered version, so getting it working so quickly was a happy break.

Finally, I was able to find a local supplier of Corpsejelly - a gnomish dungeon supplier who was about to become quite a bit richer. This stuff was going to be my secret weapon for the brewing contest, one that nobody could hope to match.

All the hard work and theorizing had come with a welcome notification.

Stat Increased: [Intelligence]!

Your intelligence has increased by 1! Your new intelligence is 15!

My sleep that night was fitful, and I kept jumping up to write down notes or check my minimap.

I was awoken by furious knocking at my bedroom door. I flung myself out of bed and fell flat on my face, at which point Jeremiah kicked down the door.

“You’ve got someone here to see you!”

I groaned. “Go get Annie to do it. I almost died the other night!”

“So did she. Get up or I’ll toss you out there nekkid!” He tapped his foot impatiently, waiting for me.

I blinked blurry eyes a few times then stood to unsteady feet. I should start keeping a bottle of Barista Brew in my pocket for emergencies.

I pulled on some basic chainmail and plain linen clothes; the dwarven equivalent of sweatpants and an undershirt then made my way to the door. I brushed my beard with my pocket comb as I walked, and grumbled. I didn’t need more surprises. Our meeting with the Brewer’s Guild was tomorrow.

As we passed through the central square of the compound on the way to the front door, I was struck by a thought. I detoured to a wooden plaque hanging on one of the walls. A large two-handed warhammer sat on two prongs, and the brass nameplate read ‘Slate Goldstone’. The double-sided weapon was made of a greenish metal I didn\'t recognize. The haft was wrapped in leather, and the head was emblazoned with the goat emblem of the Goldstone clan. One face was scoured with marks from where a powerful acid had eaten away at the metal.

"It was my father\'s. You can borrow it if it\'ll make you feel better." Jeremiah said from behind me.

"Are you sure?"

"Aye, what\'s the point of a clan weapon if you don\'t use it to protect your clan?"

I pulled the weapon down and hefted it. It felt… right, held within my meaty fists. Warhammer at the ready, I hummed a little ‘Danger Zone’ as I went to see who had disturbed my beauty sleep.

A very haggard and upset looking Copperpot stood at the front door, flanked by Lillyweather and a pair of guards.

By all tha Bits of the Gods, what now?

I gave Lillyweather a small smile and she returned it after a beat. Then I turned to the orchestrator of my rude awakening. “What’s up, Copperpot?”

“Pete, can we come in? We need to discuss something.” He had rings under his eyes and twitched when he spoke. He probably hadn’t slept much lately either.

“Do you promise that you aren’t being followed by anything… uncomfortable?”

“Not to the best of my knowledge.”

I rested the warhammer on my shoulder and waved him and Lillyweather in. The plate armoured gnomish guards followed after, and to their credit, didn’t scream when Jeremiah loomed over them with his big battleaxe.

“Weapons stay at the door,” he growled. The two looked to Copperpot who gave a bare nod, and they deposited their swords and shields and daggers and various other weaponry on the front door’s weapon rack.

I led on to the den, and plopped down on a plush armchaIr. It was too early in the morning for this… “Okay, talk to me. Have you found Ambermine yet? Destroyed the Mine corporation?”

Copperpot’s face was wan. “No, none of that. We’ve made good strides in other directions now that their combat capability has been greatly reduced, but it\'s hard to say exactly how much impact we’ve made. Ambermine is currently holed up in Mine Manor, as is Diamondmine, so we can’t touch them. Are you sure it was him?”

“As I said in my letter, yes. I\'m positive. If you haven’t managed to crush ‘em yet, why are you here?” I pulled at my beard in agitation.

“It’s bad news I’m afraid, with the increased cost from paying the combat teams for double time, and the precarious situation the Mine corporation has put themselves in, liquidity has become an even bigger issue. The Pot family board of directors wants me to cease funding for the Gnomish Brew initiative and pour our capital into a hostile takeover.”

I blinked. Then my vision went red and I considered smashing my warhammer through the coffee table. Knowing what was happening, I pulled my emotions back with some difficulty. I was still seething, but it felt like normal garden variety outrage.

“We’re so close! Literally only one day away from bringin\' the entire scheme to tha Brewer’s Guild. That’s idiotic!”

“Short term profit over longer term gains can be an unfortunate feature of business decisions.” Copperpot nodded. “Simply put, my funding is gone, and I can’t go to the bank for more loans at the moment. I won’t have enough to pay the workers at the plant or get enough glass for bottles, let alone properly sell any resulting beer. It will kill the launch.”

“So you came to me.”

Copperpot nodded. “You must be making good profit on Boomdust and your partnership with Whistlemop. I… would like to ask for a cash infusion. To be paid back with interest, of course.”

I considered it. I did have a lot of gold at the bank at the moment. And if this meant Copperpot’s company could focus on CrUsHiNG ThE MInE CoRPOraTiON… *phew* All the better.

“You have my attention Copperpot, but I want to do this right. We’re playing this as a ‘Subsidiary’ but at the end of the day you’re just paying us for access to the bittering agent and brewing techniques. Paying me back isn’t enough. I want more. I want shares.”

Copperpot blinked a few times. “I’m happy to share what we make Pete.”

“Consider this your lucky day! Whistlemop had to pay me fer this, but I’m goin\' to give it to you for free-ish. After a few oaths and promises, of course.” I spit on my beard and held it out. My [Friend: Gnomes] Ability was saying not to do that, but screwit; he could deal.

Copperpot regarded my hand with distaste, then shook.

*Bing!*

New Quest: Publicly Traded Part 1/3

Why keep it all in the clan or family? Convince someone to sell shares of their business to the public and own at least one percent!

Percentage of Shares Owned: 0/1

Rewards: +0.2 Charisma

Do you accept?

Yes / No

Obviously I accepted.

The history of the stock market is actually something that a lot of brewers end up learning about. Ale had a long and storied history alongside the first public companies, all running back to the Dutch East India Company. The DEIC was created in 1602, and any denizen of the then United Provinces of the Netherlands could buy shares in it. This made it the very first publicly traded company, and the stock could be bought in regular open air markets - the largest of which eventually became the Amsterdam Stock Market.

The DEIC went on to become a massively successful force in East Asia, mainly in the spice, tea, and slave trades. All the while, the drink of choice for sailors and merchants was of course - ale. The later British East India company was a mere shadow of the DEIC, which remained hegemonic in the East Indies until the late 1700s when it collapsed beneath its own weight.

Copperpot was skeptical of my description at first, but roughly halfway through an explanation on ‘going public’ and ‘dividends’ his jaw dropped. Then he ran out of the building to talk to his family board of directors.

Later that night I went to the bank to transfer a large amount of gold to the newly minted ‘Pot Public Corporation’.

I accepted the quests that followed with a *Bing!*

Quest Complete: Publicly Traded Part 1/3

How does it feel owning a piece of history?

Gained 0.2 Charisma! Your new charisma is 16.4!

New Quest: Publicly Traded Part 2/3

Why stop with one? Take control! Own 51 percent of a company!

Percentage of Shares Owned: 5/51

Rewards: +0.4 Charisma, +0.2 Intelligence

Do you accept?

Yes / No

There were a lot of Titled [Lawyers] involved, and the actual specifics would take weeks to hammer out, but in the meantime my gold could go to where it would be useful.

Brewskis.

And destroying my enemies.

—

And then it was B day.

I adjusted my good suit armour, and Annie did up her own fancy gambeson. Aqua double checked us both and nodded.

“You two look great! Are you ready for this?”

I nodded. “Aye.”

“They had better let us back in, or I’m going to tear down the whole damn guild!” Annie made kicking motions, and I stepped out of boot reach.

“Let’s keep the animosity down until we’ve explored all other options, okay Annie? Promise?” I asked plaintively.

Annie snorted and promised nothing. She looked in a mirror and re-tied one of her blonde beard pleats.

Our meeting was scheduled for noon at the Brewer’s Guild in the Grand Market. We were to present our case, and then the guild would vote. Annie had been hard at work convincing those that we could sway with words alone, and it had paid off.

Active Quest: Guildsman

Get into the Brewers Guild! Do you have what it takes to get enough members on your side?

Members Persuaded: 6/16 Dwarves

Rewards: [Thick Skin]

I really hoped the wording of the quest meant I’d receive the reward as long as we hit the magic majority of nine; I seriously doubted we would be able to sway all sixteen.

“Why are we doing this in the beer garden anyways? I would have thought the guild would be all in on dark holes in the ground. ‘Deep secret places of the world’ and ‘the traditional domain of the dwarves’ and whatnot. Not that I’m complaining.” I asked.

“I went to a few meetings with dad. I usually stayed in the brewroom, but he snuck me into the meeting room once. It was this ridiculous setup Browning had made to look like the Pagoda of the Gods. It was the most obnoxious and egotistical thing I’d ever seen,” Annie scoffed.

“Oh, well that seems much more their style.”

Aqua tittered. “I was talking with some of the other girls down at the Beardy Parlour and apparently the meeting is being catered. There’s going to be a lot of food, so the beer garden made the most sense.”

“Malt.” Annie and I said together.

“Oh, and Berry was saying that the guild actually approached her about singing at the brewing contest. She turned them down.” Aqua gave that stunning bit of news without a single change in expression. Impressive.

I gaped. “They wanted a gnome to sing there!?”

“Apparently a couple of them are members of the fan club, Gemglow says. Some of them come in disguise to the shows, just like us!”

“Who?”

“Gemglow? Berry’s manager? The purple haired one that always runs the front table at Berry’s shows?”

The mental image was familiar, but I wasn’t wasting a [Flash of Insight] when I might need both uses by the end of the day.

“Not ringing a bell, sorry.”

“Doesn’t matter. Gemglow says she’ll be by to talk about your spokesgnome idea, so you can meet her then.”

Annie began hesitantly, “Aqua… what have you been doing with Raspberrysyrup?”

“We hang out, and I’ve been talking to her about music. She has some great ideas about using the soothing power of melodies to further my own future [Hypnotist] work. I study psychology while she writes songs and practices her magic. Then we write music together.”

“And why wasn’t I invited??” Annie looked scandalized.

“You’ve been busy with all this stuff.” Aqua gestured at all of everything. “And any moment you have free you spend with Balin. I wasn’t going to just sit around while you moved on with being a married dwarfess you know.”

Annie flushed. “Sorry…”

“No, it’s fine, I’m happy for you. And I get to spend my free time with RASPBERRYSYRUP!!”

Annie smiled and pulled Aqua into a hug. “Well, I’m happy that you made a new friend. And you need to invite me to your next get together.”

Aqua smirked. “I’ll have to ask Berry if she’s interested.”

Annie’s smile grew thin. “Assuming she hasn’t gotten tired of you by then.”

“We have a fancy new wake-me-up beer to help with tiredness. Plus, not all of us are up all night long with our paramours!”

“Only those of us with a pretty enough beard to attract one.” Annie flicked her golden drill hair over her shoulder.

Ugh. There was more cat in here than outside, and Minnova had to have a million of the furry things. I had enough experience watching Sammy and Caroline fight that I knew to stay out of this, but we were on a tight timeline.

“Alright, break it up. Annie, we’re running short on time if we want to get there early. I don’t want to chance a cart-accident or loose monster causing delays. I’m happy for you Aqua, that sounds awesome. Berry seems like a great friend.” Plus, if she and Berry became besties that was another lever for manipulating the gnomish pop princess. Muhahahahahaha!!!

“Thanks Pete.” Aqua flicked some dust from Annie’s shoulders. “You look amazing, Annie.”

Annie smiled brilliantly. “Love you, Aqua.”

“Love you too, Annie. Go stomp all over their feet.”

If I didn’t know dwarven biology, that would have sounded kinky instead of horrifying.

As we left, I asked over my shoulder. “By the way, what kind of music are you two writing?”

“Oh, lots.” Aqua shrugged. “I’m working on something special, actually. Oh, I was supposed to ask you what a honky-tonk was!”

The door swung shut as I grabbed Annie and ran.

DAMN YOU BERRY, THIS WAS BETRAYAL MOST FOUL!!! ERD WASN\'T READY FOR COUNTRY!!