The Tales of an Infinite Regressor

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Chapter 221

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The Slanderer III

6

Rejuvenation

This term refers to the phenomenon where an old master reaches the pinnacle of enlightenment and returns to their childhood or prime.

It’s also a state that every StarCraft player fervently wishes for whenever their Mutalisk control fails, leading to slaughter by those dirty Marines.

From the Western Demon Lord Gilgamesh to the Central Empire’s Sovereign Qin Shi Huang, few people didn’t long for such a miracle.

And so, the first person to achieve rejuvenation on the Earth server was none other than:

“Ahem? What business do you have with me?”

The Marquis of Yuldo Nation, the Sword Maiden.

You all remember, right? In the episode where I used the ‘Monkey’s Paw,’ this old man successfully evolved into the Transcended Sword Maiden.

Truly a monster of potential.

Of course, I no longer rely on the ‘Monkey’s Paw.’

But now that I’ve learned that the Sword Maiden has a Rejuvenation upgrade, why wouldn’t I take advantage of that knowledge?

“Marquis. First, listen carefully to this. Now, the boundary between day and night is merely a fleeting human distinction, and in the ceaseless flow of time, it briefly flashes and then briefly darkens in an endless cycle...”

To be continued.

The above passage refers to the Sword Maiden\'s realisation when she experienced transcendence in turn 590.

In other words, it was like a cheat sheet.

Sure enough, as I delivered the flawless strategy word for word, the Sword Maiden’s expression grew increasingly enigmatic.

Now, Marquis, evolve!

“Doctor Jang, what nonsense are you spouting?”

It didn’t work.

Was that not enough?

The 360-captured ones watching from the sidelines also grew rowdy.

- Boo, boo!

- Kidnapping people and threatening them with force, and now what kind of nonsense is this?

- People probably didn’t know Doctor Jang was like this, but I’ve had a hunch all along!

But I didn’t give up.

In all things, preemptive learning combined with repetition is the essence of Korean education. The lesson of the regressor was far from over.

With just a glance, I silenced the uproar in the crowd and drew my sword.

“Watch carefully, sir.”

“Hmm?”

I began to perform a sword dance.

This wasn’t a dance I had invented. It was a perfect recreation of the sword dance the Sword Maiden had once performed at Mount Hua’s peak when we went flower viewing, long ago.

Sure enough, the Sword Maiden was taken aback.

“That, that is…?”

“Do you feel something?”

“I do! I feel it! Oh, how has the essence of Mount Hua become embodied in Doctor Jang’s blade?”

“Now, listen again. The boundary between day and night is merely a fleeting human distinction…”

I recited the realization he had, while demonstrating it with my body. No teacher could be more thorough.

In other words, to a third party observer, I probably looked like a lunatic, suddenly waving a sword while muttering incomprehensible gibberish.

The 360 individuals in the crowd were beginning to look at me like I was crazy.

“Ooooh…”

When I finished the sword dance, the Sword Maiden clapped. His beard trembled.

“Indeed, it was a magnificent sword dance! Like plum blossoms blooming on Mount Hua, like fog embracing the blossoms, and also like a single ship advancing through the fog. A peculiar sight! What shall we call this ship? The treasure ship of the Three Jewels? Admiral Yi’s Turtle Ship?”

“So, do you feel like you’re about to rejuvenate now?”

“Huh? Rejuvenate? I’m not sure about that...”

Was this still not enough?

The individuals in the outer field began booing again, shouting things like “I knew this would happen!” but I paid no mind.

I snapped my fingers.

Then, Yoo Jiwon, who had been on standby, began unloading dozens of televisions from a truck.

A total of 130 CRT TVs.

The televisions were arranged in a Stonehenge-like formation around the Sword Maiden.

“Jiwon, turn them on.”

“Yes, sir.”

Fzzzzzt!

Even though the TVs weren’t plugged in, they crackled to life with static. Of course, these were all cursed televisions.

All of the screens displayed degraded footage of sword dancing. It was a recording of my sword dance, being played on loop.

“The boundary between day and night, hehehe!”

“The temporary distinction of humans, hihi!”

“The endless cycle of logic... Kekekeke!”

For the record, the Doctor Jang’s sword dance being broadcast on the screens was actually performed by ghosts mimicking my moves.

Getting those ghosts out of the well and making them follow my commands had been quite the task. If you look closely, you’ll notice the sorrow and resentment in their faces, as their homes were forcibly demolished.

“Wh-what...?”

Perhaps sensing something amiss, even the Sword Maiden, one of the most eccentric individuals on the Korean Peninsula, started to look uneasy. The individuals who had been jeering from the sidelines began to grow quiet.

“What is the meaning of this, Doctor Jang?”

“Don’t question it. Just feel it. You need to accept the sensations and flow as they come to you, Marquis.”

“Accept it?”

The Sword Maiden looked around.

“What exactly should I accept in this scene, where ghosts are bending their limbs backwards while uttering curses?”

“Use this as well.”

I handed him some earphones. Connected to them was an MP3 player, which of course contained a cursed recording.

As soon as the Sword Maiden plugged in the earphones, a creepy soundtrack akin to The Ring played, along with the chant of the Heart Sutra:

“The boundary between day and night... is merely a fleeting... human distinction…”

“...”

“Ah, don’t turn the volume up too high. Just think of it as listening to MC Square. You know what MC Square is, right?”

“Hmph, hmm…”

“So, how is it, Marquis? Do you feel like you’re about to rejuvenate now?”

“To be honest, I don’t even understand what you’re saying, Doctor Jang…”

Was this still not enough?

The 360 individuals, now with slightly dejected expressions, grumbled amongst themselves.

- I don’t know what’s going on, but I knew this would happen.

- From the moment he started talking about rejuvenation, I knew it would turn out like this.

- Does he think using ghost televisions to intimidate us will make us submit? I knew this would happen all along...

Though their voices had weakened considerably, the individuals still clung to their one phrase: “I knew this would happen.”

But I wasn’t disheartened in the least.

“Jiwon.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Bring Hayul and Oh Dokseo.”

“At once.”

Yoo Jiwon, one of the top-level Aura masters, quickly fetched the two little sisters (Lee Hayul and Oh Dokseo).

Hayul looked especially weary.

She had been training her choreography so earnestly over the past few days, it could rival that of a K-pop idol trainee at a major agency.

“Hayul, have you mastered it perfectly?”

[Oppa, just die. Please.]

“Excellent. That’s the spirit.”

[…]

“Now, as we discussed, show this old man your dancing skills.”

Lee Hayul pulled threads from her fingertips and attached them to the Sword Maiden’s joints. The sticky, web-like threads soon connected to the Sword Maiden’s limbs.

“Wh-what? What is this?”

The Sword Maiden was flustered, but he couldn’t stop Hayul. Despite her frail appearance, few Awakened could defeat Hayul one-on-one.

“Jiwon, cue the beat.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Oh Dokseo, go.”

“Okay.”

Oh Dokseo casually flipped her cap around.

In the Korean Peninsula, this fashion could barely be pulled off by anyone taller than 190 cm. The golden chain around Oh Dokseo\'s neck glistened brightly on her shirt.

"Yeah. Alliance of the Regression. Yo, here we go, you f*cking psychopath. Freestyle, real quick. Let\'s get it."

As Yoo Jiwon expressionlessly laid down a sweet beat in sync and offbeat, Oh Dokseo grabbed the mic.

"The boundary between day and night, Yo, it’s a human division, a temporary one, Ki҉e҉҉҉e҉ee҉҉k҉, Yo, shining briefly in the endlessly flowing time, flow҉҉hee҉hee҉hee҉҉hak҉҉, dark again, repeat, Ki҉k҉҉ik҉, repeat, Yo, repeat Da Capo, chi҉jik҉, it\'s the endless cycle of the world, the principle of the universe, Yo..."

The strange noise mixing in was because the mic was cursed. Most electronic devices had anomalies clinging to them, so it couldn\'t be helped.

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But the pure rapper of this era, Oh Dokseo, sublimated even the eerie wailing of ghosts into part of his rap.

Meanwhile, Lee Hayul was controlling the Sword Maiden like a puppet using invisible strings.

"Gaaahhh! My, my joints!?"

There\'s no hiding it.

Lee Hayul had perfectly learned the sword dance I had demonstrated. So, using the strings to make the Sword Maiden dance the "Dance of Enlightenment" by force was now possible.

This was the technique of a regressor.

If you can\'t reach enlightenment, you might as well force-feed it at 300% concentration.

"Ughhh! My knees! Shoulders! My back is about to snap apart!"

I brought over Sim Aryeon.

Sim Aryeon squatted next to the Sword Maiden, quietly healing him every time his joints creaked.

“Ugh! Ahh! Gaaahh?”

“Shouting... only makes it hurt more.”

His spine had already snapped once in the middle, but it didn’t matter. Sim Aryeon just giggled innocently while casting her healing magic.

Yes.

How much abuse had we endured from the Sword Maiden, just because he was our only savior in the famine crisis?

My comrades, who had long held grudges, willingly collaborated on this plan.

(Only the Saintess exercised her veto power, forcing us to use an MP3 player instead of telepathy.)

"Gaaahhhh!"

I turned around, using the Sword Maiden\'s screams as background noise.

There stood 360 individuals, pale-faced, watching us.

In other words:

- I knew this would happen…

- Kukekekekekekeek.

In the current situation, 130 cursed televisions were broadcasting the cries of ghosts reciting enlightenment verses, dancing like it was a ritual.

- I knew this would happen…

"Yes, Yo, I am still Yo, day is day, night is night, Yooo, Ki҉e҉҉҉e҉e҉k҉, flaunting its beauty, Yooo."

While the psychopathic operation team leader of the National Road Management Squad was laying down beats expressionlessly, Oh Dokseo, the priestess of the Alien God, was performing her rap.

- I knew…

"Hehehe."

The puppet master was making the Sword Maiden dance with shoulder moves, and the ancient swordmaster’s joints were being repeatedly healed by the top-tier healer who could cure even shattered spines.

- I knew…

- This would…

“Huuuuhhh! Gaaaaaahhh!”

The dance was a sword technique embodying the highest realm of the Mount Hua Sect, and the one forced to dance was a marquis from the Nation of Yuldo.

If one had even a grain of conscience, they wouldn’t dare to claim that such madness could exist in the world.

- ...

- ...

And the grand finale.

After dancing the sword dance for over 30 minutes, the Sword Maiden, panting heavily, suddenly widened his eyes.

"Huh? This move... feels familiar, but also not…!"

At that moment, not only the scent of sweat but also the fragrance of plum blossoms began to emanate from the Sword Maiden’s body.

I clenched my fist.

“It’s here!”

But it was slightly different from the plum blossom scent of the 590th turn.

Hmm. If the fragrance back then was 100% natural plum aroma, now it seemed like a synthetic floral scent that would be bad for your lungs with prolonged exposure?

There was also an air of the unorthodox about it, despite the aura having been nearly pure righteousness before. Hmm. Could this be the influence of the Demon Sect?

But he was still one step short.

The Sword Maiden continued to dance (feat. Lee Hayul), on the verge of enlightenment but not quite there.

I immediately took out my smartphone.

"Sword Maiden, my lord."

“Huh, huh... Uh, yes?”

“Look at this.”

Displayed on the smartphone connected to SGNet was a post.

-Anonymous: [SYSTEM] Click this post, and you will be transported to another world. (Views: 2)

It was a post about the “Hero Syndrome.”

But it wasn’t just any typical Hero Syndrome post. It was one found by the National Road Management Squad’s death row inmates, with tags like #MartialArts #MountHuaSect #Regression.

The death row inmate who clicked the post claimed he was reborn as the second son of the Namgung family and became a Sword God, participating in the War of Righteousness and Demonic Sects.

Although 30 seconds later, he muttered, "Huh, why are tears falling?" and lost all memories.

This was the grand finale I, Doctor Jang, had meticulously selected just for this moment.

“Take it, Sword Maiden.”

“Huuuh...?”

“The final piece that leads to enlightenment!”

Lee Hayul moved the strings.

And thus, the Sword Maiden reached out and clicked.

A flash.

A fake temple built in the style of ancient Greece, surrounded by plum blossoms blooming like wildfire.

The ‘plum blossom scent,’ a piece of sensory information that modern humans had never encountered, a scent that could be roughly described as a mix of rose and cherry, filled the air.

The light faded.

The wrinkled old man was gone, leaving behind only a gray-haired boy standing silently with his head bowed.

“Hmm.”

I nodded instinctively.

Rejuvenation success!

I turned to the 360 crowd-beasts who had witnessed everything live.

And I quietly asked,

“So, how was it? Your first time seeing rejuvenation?”

- ...

“Did you still think you knew this would happen?”

- ...

The 360 trembled.

- I, I...

- I never saw this coming, you crazy bastard!

- Who could’ve predicted this kind of madness!?

- Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

- We know nothing, we can know nothing, we never saw this coming, our desire for knowledge and power is doomed to be thwarted, we are nothing but beings abandoned by this world, we never saw this coming...

- We can’t defame, we can’t defame!

- Hikkiyaaaahhhhh!

Trembling!

All 360 simultaneously convulsed and collapsed.

As if expelled by an exorcist, the pale souls escaped from their bodies and fled into the distant forest.

The woodland creatures had returned home.

[...Doctor Jang.]

[Throughout the entire Korean Peninsula, anomalies resembling ghosts are fleeing people’s bodies and disappearing somewhere.]

Hmm.

I glanced at my comrades who had participated in this operation and gave a thumbs-up.

Among them, Sim Aryeon smiled the brightest as she said,

“As expected, Guild Leader... You’re the best!”

The anomaly of expertise known as \'professionalism.\' Later, this would evolve into something like the \'witch hunt\' or \'internet wraith.\'

Mission complete!

Short epilogue:

“Congratulations on reaching enlightenment, Sword Maiden.”

“Hmm.”

“How do you feel right now?”

“Good. My head is clear, and the world looks different. At first, I couldn’t understand what kind of bizarre nonsense you were doing, Doctor Jang, but now I see all of it was for my benefit. I understand... but right now... just right now...”

“Right now?”

“Right now, I just really want to beat you up.”

“Ah.”

I knew this would happen.

- The end.

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