BXBX NOVEL Chapter 497 depressing thoughts
Even if he said that he was not naïve or innocent, or that he understood a lot of things about life, and that they should treat him like his age. But just because he said it and believed it to be true didn’t mean that that was indeed the case.
Yes, for someone who had been in a coma for seven years, he was unusually smart. So smart that he could directly entered the third year of high school with just a month of tutoring. Not only that, he knew how to scheme, just as he had seen in the preliminary. And he doesn’t even blink when eliminating those players.
But were those enough to prove that he was indeed not the 10-year-old they thought that he was?
Luo Yan, of course, what was going through his older brother’s mind. The other still hadn’t believed him. Well, it was kind of understandable if he thought about it carefully. Even if they thought that he was capable enough, in their mind, he was probably still that kid that fell into a coma at the age of 10. Look, even Luo Jin who was currently shocked and speechless, probably thought the same.
If only he could just say that the one inside this body was technically an almost 30-year-old adult. But if he did, wouldn’t that be admitting that he wasn’t really their brother? He was just simply an interloper. Someone who occupied the body of their beloved brother.
He avoided thinking about it. Because doing so would just make him think that all of these – the Luo family’s affection, this life – were not supposed to be his. The only thing that was real was the friends he had made since he opened his eyes seven months ago. And Shen Ji Yun’s love for him.
He gazed down to conceal the sadness in his eyes.
Although he had promised to the long-gone ’Luo Yan’ that he would treat his family like his own and loved them as his own, in the course of seven months since he had taken his identity, he truly did come to love them. They’re like the family that he had never had. He even managed to delude himself into thinking that he was part of them.
But what if they found out that he wasn’t their beloved ’Luo Yan’? That ’he’ had already been long gone from this world. Would they still love him as they did now?
He couldn’t even bear to think of the answer to that.
Then should he just continue this charade and let them treat him like a child until they decided that he was no longer one?
He clenched his fists. No, he couldn’t. If he continued on like this, wouldn’t it be like he was just playing the part of ’Luo Yan’? And that until the end, he would be treated as ’Luo Yan’ and not just as himself. Would that be something he truly wanted?
He wanted to be a part of this family, not as some impersonator, but as him. He wasn’t planning to replace ’Luo Yan’. Because that was something impossible. He simply wanted to be part of this family with the least bit of pretense as much as possible.
He couldn’t confess the truth to them. Because they would simply be heartbroken. It might shake them to the core and then whatever might be holding this family together would simply disappear. And then, everything would fall apart.
He couldn’t watch that to happen. And he was sure that ’Luo Yan’ would also want the same. He surely wouldn’t want to see his precious family be wrecked. They barely survived the loss of Bai Mei Hua. What would happen if they found out that they had long lost ’Luo Yan’?
This truth, he was willing to keep until his dying days. Just so he could protect this family.
But he didn’t want to continue to be treated like a child and he wanted to be true to them as much as he could. So, the only way was for him to make them understand right here, right now that he wasn’t the naïve child they believed him to be.
Before he could speak, both his hands were suddenly held. Startled, he raised his head and saw both his brothers kneeling down and holding his hands. Both were looking at him worriedly.
"Yan, are you alright? Please, don’t cry. We- we understand. If you don’t want us to think of you like a kid, then we won’t," Luo Jin said in a quite panicked manner.
"I’m sorry, Yan Yan. I didn’t mean to put that kind of expression on your face. It’s big brother’s fault for not being sensitive enough," Luo Ren followed, his expression was full of self-blame.
Luo Yan blinked. He immediately understood why the two were acting like this. They probably noticed his expression while he was thinking of all those things. And thus, proceed on being worried and panicked.
He smiled in spite of the situation. [Really, what good brothers you have, Luo Yan.]
And they were his now.
Despite all those depressive thoughts he just had, he was truly thankful for being part of this family. It’s possibly the best thing that could have happened to him. That’s why he wanted to give back as much as he could. Not just to give back, but also to treat them most sincerely.
And to completely do that, he had to first fix their view of him. Not just for his relationship with Shen Ji Yun, but also to take down that last bit of barrier between him and his new family.
Because even if he couldn’t tell them the whole truth, at least, he could now fully show them his true self. Or at least the him that wasn’t being viewed as a child.